Deep down inside

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MichaelRobinson
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Deep down inside

Post by MichaelRobinson »

Hi all

I live with lot of pain inside and can't play when I feel the pain. Sometimes I think about playing the pain but it's to painfull that I get so low that nothing works.

Blues is about pain, strugle and sadness but when the pain is to big I just can't do anything., not just regarding playing guitar. I just can't live. It's so painfull stuff I live with that playing becomes an obsticle insted of realeas. I try to demand my self to play and keep on living my life but that's make me feel pain in whol of my body.

Some say that I'm to hard on my self, and thats true. It's lot of demands in my head to live a happy life but I don't feel happy at all. I try to push my self to feel happyness but It's inpossible with my background and everithing I experianst.

I do wish I could feel more insperation to play than I do. Music trigger the memory and my playing become mechanical insted of soulfull. I wish I could play the pain in my soul.

Thank's for reading


Kind regards, Michael
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12bar
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Re: Deep down inside

Post by 12bar »

Michael,

reading this and not knowing more about the source of your pain it sounds to me that you may need some serious help from outside. This is a Blues board, and as much as playing music has certainly a good effect on one's feeling, it can't replace the help of a specialist. A real depression can ruin one's life, and sometimes help is possible. If it's more than just a bad day here and then, consider some help from outside. There's no need to put yourself down!
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Blindboy
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Re: Deep down inside

Post by Blindboy »

12bar is right. Sometimes it is impossible to get through painful situations by yourself. While some pain is normal in life, it sounds like what you are experiencing goes beyond that. Hope you can sort it out.
"Throw yo' big leg over me Mama, I might not feel this good again!"
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VikingBlues
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Re: Deep down inside

Post by VikingBlues »

Sometimes, as I have experienced once, you get to a place where words and support from friends and family, and the feelings of self-worth derived from a hobby are not enough. It sounds like you need more than our words to help you through, but we will certainly be here to give those words of support when we can. I hope you can find the right help to beat your demons - what is like a despearate situation can often be much less of a problem than it seems with the right expert help.
An improv a day keeps the demons at bay!
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2WheelsOfBlues
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Re: Deep down inside

Post by 2WheelsOfBlues »

It's deep, isn't it MR?
What can we do to help?
Youre not my neighbor or live in the same city, sow i think that writin words is the thing we can offer.

Help youre self, i now pain beliefe my, thats why my name is 2 wheels of blues, but pain inside, now i think that your need serious help from someone how nows you and now what to do to make youre life worth living, in a sunny side.

It's been sad earlyer, we will help where we can :alright: , but you must promice us to look for help around you, OK? :handshake:
play guitar like the wind, mysterious but definitely present....
MichaelRobinson
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Re: Deep down inside

Post by MichaelRobinson »

2WheelsOfBlues wrote:It's deep, isn't it MR?

It's been sad earlyer, we will help where we can :alright: , but you must promice us to look for help around you, OK? :handshake:

I know I have more than "normal" pain. I'v been aware of that for years but now It's to much.
I have looked for help and asked for help and I will soon get help. From a real proffesionell.
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2WheelsOfBlues
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Re: Deep down inside

Post by 2WheelsOfBlues »

Thats good news then.

Hope it will come quickly
play guitar like the wind, mysterious but definitely present....
MichaelRobinson
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Re: Deep down inside

Post by MichaelRobinson »

2WheelsOfBlues wrote:Thats good news then.

Hope it will come quickly
Quickly ? Yes. Prelimenary in Mars. Somtimes I hope for help. Somtime I feel hoplesly down. I'm not stable.
If it works out I hope the psykolog can help me solve my trauma and help me get back my feelings. As it is no I don't feel anything but frustration and depresion. :motz:

I think I stop here and take the rest with the shrink. I don't want the whole world to know everything about me. Yes. In fact whole word can read this.
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2WheelsOfBlues
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Re: Deep down inside

Post by 2WheelsOfBlues »

Ok, i now what you meen.
play guitar like the wind, mysterious but definitely present....
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Pena
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Re: Deep down inside

Post by Pena »

Michael... what can I say... feel sad.
There is light at the end of the tunnel... fight... kämpa.
All the best for you.
Pena
"The blues is a low down achein' chill" Robert Johnson
MichaelRobinson
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Re: Deep down inside

Post by MichaelRobinson »

Pena wrote:Michael... what can I say... feel sad.
There is light at the end of the tunnel... fight... kämpa.
All the best for you.
Pena
Hej.

People tells me to fight but I don't have any energy. If I fight I fight against a wall :wall: and get aic in my muscels, in my boody. It don't help to fight I need to be unloockt inside so I can take and give agin. It's tricky. It mait take years of therapy to solve all I been true.

By the way. I'm half Finish and know fighting very well but in a depresion there is nothing but sadness and it ain't any energy in that feeling.

No hakka pääle.
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Pena
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Re: Deep down inside

Post by Pena »

MichaelRobinson wrote:
Pena wrote:Michael... what can I say... feel sad.
There is light at the end of the tunnel... fight... kämpa.
All the best for you.
Pena
Hej.

People tells me to fight but I don't have any energy. If I fight I fight against a wall :wall: and get aic in my muscels, in my boody. It don't help to fight I need to be unloockt inside so I can take and give agin. It's tricky. It mait take years of therapy to solve all I been true.

By the way. I'm half Finish and know fighting very well but in a depresion there is nothing but sadness and it ain't any energy in that feeling.

No hakka pääle.
Hej MR, what I ment was, fight, don't give up, find the help and the streght inside you... sen skiner solen igen :thumbsup:
Pena
"The blues is a low down achein' chill" Robert Johnson
MichaelRobinson
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Joined: Mon Oct 03, 2011 10:20 pm

Re: Deep down inside

Post by MichaelRobinson »

To Pena

I do understand what you mean. I'v have searched for help and just waiting for it. It takes a little time but aventualy I'v will be helpt.
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tytlblues
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Re: Deep down inside

Post by tytlblues »

Pena wrote:. It takes a little time but aventualy I'v will be helpt.
Yes MR, please do what ever it takes to get the help you need!!!!!! OK :)
Tytlblues

"Notes are expensive... spend them wisely”
BB King
MichaelRobinson
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Re: Deep down inside

Post by MichaelRobinson »

tytlblues wrote:
Pena wrote:. It takes a little time but aventualy I'v will be helpt.
Yes MR, please do what ever it takes to get the help you need!!!!!! OK :)
Yes, tytl. I will. I can't live with all I have in me without talk to a proffesionell and get words for it and maby a better view what I'v been throu. Difficult to explain in English but I vill get help.

Thank's tytl for thinkin' of me. Thank you.
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choucas09
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Re: Deep down inside

Post by choucas09 »

Michael I know where you're coming from. I'm a manic depressive and have been in institutions, taken overdoses and have disabled myself physically through reckless behaviour.

I fully understand the fight thing, depression is so overwhelming fighting it is impossible. It's like trying to stop a river with just your hands.

And I know about the playing thing too. When I'm on a downer I go months and months without picking up a guitar.

I'm glad you're seeking help, medication and counseling can make a huge difference. Just hang on in there until these things arrive. Meanwhile all the best from me.....John.
MichaelRobinson
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Re: Deep down inside

Post by MichaelRobinson »

choucas09 wrote:Michael I know where you're coming from. I'm a manic depressive and have been in institutions, taken overdoses and have disabled myself physically through reckless behaviour.

I fully understand the fight thing, depression is so overwhelming fighting it is impossible. It's like trying to stop a river with just your hands.

And I know about the playing thing too. When I'm on a downer I go months and months without picking up a guitar.

I'm glad you're seeking help, medication and counseling can make a huge difference. Just hang on in there until these things arrive. Meanwhile all the best from me.....John.
Thank's. I'm have done things to my self to that's bad and now i suffer for it. I have swings. I swing between sickly performance anexity or nothing at all and can lie in my bed for a month without do any thing usefull.
And you are absolutly right. A depresion is somthing that just is to much and impossible to stop like a river, as you said. Fight is just useless energy consuming and don't lead to anything.

I'm allready on medication. I have been that for aprox. 20 years. It don't help when I live my life over and over again. I need to talk and listen to an expert so I maby get an other view about what I grow up in. My childhood strongly influences what I'm doing, thinkin' and living. My childhood disturbs my all the time.

Kind regards
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